It all started with my meltdown (nervous breakdown). I’ve heard that a nervous breakdown can really be a break-through. I would agree; I’ve experienced it that way many times. I was resisting this one. What I know now is that I was afraid of what was coming through. The message was: your work needs to change.
But to go back to the beginning, I was in my supervisor’s office. Because of her kindness and her stay-with-me-ness, this truth started to come forward. It first came out as: I want to go live off-grid in a commune (for lack of a better word. this one comes with so much judgment!). This is in typical Emily fashion. Balls-to-the-wall, if you’re gonna do it do it for real, or anything worth doing is worth overdoing. That kind of thing. And my partner, Jeff, is accustomed to this pattern.
Here’s his words on this:
“Yes, this was one of the original of many fears that have come up for me…is this just another one of Emily’s temporary “must haves”? As I’ve found, much unlike myself, Emily can turn on a dime with respect to her DEEPEST desires. This can happen when she all of a sudden feels like she absolutely must have something, or someone (like a psychic channeling) makes a simple statement, and Emily’s whole world shifts 180 degrees. As an example, and one that got us into this “mess”, it wasn’t but a handful of months ago that we were still planning to buy our (attainable) dream home with “space” (aka a big yard to mow) in suburban Denver Metro. This, as I understood and well accepted at the time, was something we absolutely had to do for our (especially Emily’s) well-being. After a brief channeling meeting with a new psychic, Emily realized that buying this new home would complicate our matter of (our plan at the time) getting out of Denver and possibly to California, but either way, out of Denver. This actually made perfect sense to me, as any money we’d have would be tied up in two different properties that would then have to be sold or rented out to provide for us. So, within a month of the visit to the psychic, we were moving into the perfect temporary oasis…a rental townhome in a perfect (well almost entirely perfect) location. Big change – no owning, renting instead, and no yard, no maintenance (I love this part). It did however have more than we had hoped in every other way including it being a great space to prepare for our trip emotionally and spiritually. So, in summary, Emily can and does flip flop, but usually it can be cause for great and positive change! Yet, there still is a small part of me that fears in two years, it won’t be the “new” priority :-P” ~Jeff
And it morphed and changed over a few weeks. It led me to move my office. I was resisting this. I was afraid that it was too much to ask of my clients and that no one would follow and I’d lose my business and run out of money and die. But a meltdown has a way of making me not give a shit about that stuff. It got my attention, it made be brave. One little leap to move my office. I found one across Belmar Park from our house. I could walk there. WALK THERE. I knew this was a temporary solution for solving the problem of the ache inside of me. I was aching and longing for a different life. A life that was so much more. And within my current confines I had created the best possible scenario: ideal home location ideal office location, best partner, least amount of work possible. And my heart cried out to say, “Its not enough”.
I want to live a life of adventure. And I am so grateful that Jeff wanted that too. I couldn’t believe it, really. I freaked him out with my commune talk. Made his head spin. But we walk this spiritual path alongside each other and something has been crying out in his heart too. And a couple or few weeks after my meltdown he said something that sounded like this: “In 2 years, I say we just up and go”. And that’s ALL I needed. Off to the races. I knew the 2 years was a good timeframe. I’d want to do it now or in a year and 2 years was a balance. That’s where Jeff brings balance. We have 2 years to plan, worry, research and freak out. Our loose plans right now are to travel with a trailer through the United States and then eventually traveling worldwide.