*Those are Teddybear Cholla, a type of cactus. I stole the picture from Jeff. He’s turned into such a great photographer!
I’m feeling the need to check in on several different topics. Hopefully, it is interesting to you.
Awesome Support: Thank you to everyone who came to our aid this past week with replies to the post, emails, and texts. It effectively helped turned the whole thing in a new direction. To go from despair and lost to inspiration and connection, Wow! We have both felt so supported by you. Thank you.
- Suggested: 16 hrs per week
- Actual: Between 5 and 8 Direct Contact hours with clients. And then developing and working on business…hmmmm, I’m not sure. There are certain aspects of my work life that blend in that I don’t notice.
- SRF Meditation
- Suggested: 5 hours per week
- Actual: Usually more! I’ve been sticking to my 30 mins in the morning and 15 mins at night! Hallelujah! But I’ll tell you, my teenager, every evening, says ‘We don’t have to do it tonight because _________’. And I agree with her pretty much every day and then I find myself doing it anyway. Miraculous! Except when I don’t, which is uncommon.
- Me & Jeff
- Suggested: 14 hrs per week/2 hrs a day
- Actual: I’m not certain of the daily quality time, because we spend so much time together and we do meditation together, and yoga occassionally. Which does not equal quality time necessarily, by just being together, we have learned that much. But! We have kept our date night every week and I’m really proud of that! It was brand new for us, been suggested to us by different people for years and we’d never made it happen. Until now!
- Suggested: 14 hrs per week/2 hrs a day
- Actual: Nope! Not there but still writing. And finally starting writing on my book again, How to Be Brave. Thank god! Its been months and months since I’ve cracked that open. I think 2 hours a day is an excellent goal and one I intend to go for in June, when I take a break from direct contact with clients. You like that? Direct Contact? Its therapist jargon.
- Suggested: 9 hours per week/ 1.2 hrs a day
- Actual: I’m on a routine of 3-4.5 hrs a week at this point. I know I can’t do really active (yang) yoga every day but I certainly would benefit from 3 days of yang and 4 days and yin (restorative/gentle) yoga. Stay tuned.
- Singing & Piano
- Suggested: 8-9 hours of both a week
- Actual: Yeah right. 1-2 hours MAYBE. Let me be clear, this is not about having enough time. Or being too busy. That is a joke. Those illusions have been removed by me, funnily enough. I’ve given myself plenty of time. But it is still a challenge to stay disciplined and give myself the things that I actually want. I’m guessing this will be my challenge til I’m dead. Or maybe something magical happens when I turn 50.
- Ayurvedic Medicine
- The timing wasn’t totally clear for me on this and doesn’t exactly fit into that box. But I have applied myself about 99% to my suggested diet for my constitution Vata-Pitta. Mostly made up of Vata. Which is naturally light, dry, cool, and mobile. Like air. And it is balanced by heavy, moist, warm and stable. Most devastatingly, that means no chips or crackers. And several other things that I rely on for my identity (just kidding, not really). Vata when out of balance: anxious, overwhelmed, hyperactive, disruptive, fearful. Yep, those are all of my complaints. Vata when in balance: enthusiastic, energetic, adaptable, artistic, strong healing energy, strong sense of human unity, good communicator, positive spirit, good capacity for positive change and movement. Ummm, yes I deeply desire all those things and didn’t know it was possible for me. And that is where my motivation comes from to follow this diet, let my body heal and stabilize and see what’s underneath. Give myself a chance to experience what a Vata can look like in balance. And I tend to go all in so I can fully benefit and get the best results if there’s any to be had. I’m giving it at least 30 days, which I think I’m getting close to. Then I plan to have a follow-up with the Ayurvedic practitioner to evaluate my results and tweak my diet or behavior. Stay tuned.
- I won’t bother you with the rest.
Since my experience with Suzanne, about a month ago, I’ve been staying in close contact with my 3 year old, in her special little room. I go in there every day and see how she’s doing. And it lets me know how I’m doing. Most of the time she’s just so happy to see me. She’s very wiggly and happy. She’ll be with her cat or the birds; just hanging out. But sometimes she looks a little different: stressed, concerned, or her eyes will just be open wide, conveying many different things. Like, “are you going to take care of that?”. It’s usually pretty easy to understand what’s wrong and what’s needed.
Shortly after building that room for the 3 year old, my 36 year old self joined the party. Might see weird but she’s there and she needed a safe place. I don’t questions these things. She’s got her own room. Usually what she needs from me is to poke my head in her room and say, “I don’t need anything from you”. She looks at me with eyebrows raised and eyes a little wide like, ‘oh shit, am I supposed to be doing something?’. And after I reassure her she relaxes and goes back to what she’s doing. My teenage self (like 16, I think) joined the party a couple weeks ago. Its like, I remember how she got there, because I brought her there, but I can’t really explain it. But she was not ready for her own room and stays in her own corner in the 36 year old’s room, which is supposed to be temporary. Its like she’s infirmed. She was in really bad shaped when she first got there. It was rather disconcerting. Because physically she doesn’t look it but when I think about it; she was spiritually and emotionally very sick then. In her bed, facing the wall. She graduated to turning and looking at us, then eventually sitting up. And she’s still at that stage. I think she and I are waiting for our next session with Suzanne.
Where my head is at today
Whatever dark tunnel I was traveling through the last time I wrote, I have passed through, to the other side. I feel more present and less scared. I’m able to just look at my plan of 30 days vacation and feel excited and curious for what it will reveal. I feel very excited to explore California and all its little treasures that will be revealed. Energy and inspiration have returned, I feel like a human again. I feel like myself again.
I know I said the video tour was coming next but it really is coming soon! Also a photographic exhibition on The Divine Kitty.