Its not just doubt about taking a big leap, to leave our old lives behind. Because there’s that. Plenty of that. Which I’ll say more on later. The doubt that I wasn’t expecting was the doubt that comes with showing myself.
As soon as I started writing this blog, the whole thing, I was figuring out the tone. When I write professionally, or give a presentation I have a way of being and talking. I know that voice pretty well. And its very much me. I made sure that I was me, that I was real when I was presenting or teaching. But I knew I wanted this different. I didn’t want to edit, I didn’t want to be clever, I didn’t want to be teaching, I didn’t want to hold back parts of myself because of my audience. I don’t want to perform. I wanted to be unapologetically EARNEST, without saying, ‘oh my god, I’m being really earnest right now’.
And that shit is scary and intimidating! What will they say?? For the no one that’s reading this yet because I’m too scared to send anyone the link because this is trivial and no one wants to read it. That’s the doubt I’m dealing with. Yet it felt so GOOD to initially do it. To follow through anyway and start it up, after two other failed attempts at other blog posting sites and landing on WordPress. I realize in this process that I still keep separate compartments. And to really speak how I hear myself in my head for everyone to possibly see, like my family, possibly clients, colleagues. Where normally I might tamp down a certain aspect of myself according to the audience. Probably, mainly, my spiritual life. My relationship with the Divine. How I practice that. My intention is to share it how it really is and that that can be the most meaningful to me and maybe others.